Monday, May 24, 2010

I have been having some not so good feelings lately and I thought that if I just wrote them down I would feel better…so here I go!

I am having such a hard time moving. Not sure why its been so hard on me. Well it could be the fact that I had to take Jacob away from the people that mean the most to him. Every time I think about it I start to cry. Every time we see his friends or teachers…I start to cry. It's been harder on me than it has him I think. I had no idea that there was so much love in his little body for these special friends. And the fact that they feel the same way is amazing. I am just glad that they are still able to see each other and play with each other.

Or the fact that I'm just so tired all the time. Having the kid's home all day has been really tiring on me. I don't ever get a break from them. I feel like I never have a time to recharge my batteries. So being tired makes me grumpy…and I'm just not nice to be around anymore. I did get to have a little break last Friday and it was amazing!! I am so glad that I got to get out and have a good time. Glad to of been able to make some new friends. That's another thing on my list. I don't really have any friends out here. Most of all the friends I had before I moved now act as if I don't exist anymore. It's like I moved too far away to be their friend. I don't get why people don't think that we can still hang out it just takes me a little bit longer to get there haha. I know that I will make friends out here…it just takes time.

Ok so I think I feel a little bit better. I just need to sleep…at a decent time. I just need to get out and do something fun to get my mind back to where it was before. No more poor me posts…I promise!! Haha

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother’s Day

So Mother's Day has come and gone. To me, it was a day of reflection. It was a day of thinking back to the memories and focusing on the wonderful mothers that have been in my life.

My mom has been a great inspiration to me. I love my mom more than anything. She has been there for me in times of trial, the good times, and when I didn't think I needed her. I know that if I have a problem, my mom can always help me with that. She's the first person I call when I need advice on something. She is the best Grandma my kids could ask for. She is so much fun and the kids just beg to go see her. I am glad that they had that good influence in their lives.

Then there are my Grandmas. Last night my mom asked us to think of a good memory about our Grandmas. We never got to share them so I thought I would on here.

Grandma Malone was certainly a fun one. She loved to play cards and at every family event there was always a game of cards going on. One memory of her that stands out was one time I went to their house in Tucson for the weekend. It was just me and there was no one else in my family with me. Well I had forgotten my swim suit back at home. So she said we had to go get a swim suit for me. We went to this weird store. I remember it was a weird souvenir shop or something. But we found a swim suit and when Grandma went to pay for it she gave them 100.00 bill. And the lady that she gave it to started freakin out. She was not sure what to do with a hundred dollar bill. I just remember thinking it was funny they were making such a big deal about it like it was the first time they had ever seen one.

Grandma Johnson was an amazing woman! She was so full of information and I just loved to hear stories of her mission and when she was young. There are lots of good memories with Grandma Johnson because growing up I lived on the same street as her. So I would go over there quite a bit. I loved her homemade bread. I remember she had this tape with a bunch of songs about the constitution and stuff like that. I would listen to that all the time and I still remember most of those songs to this day. I loved going to Lakeside and staying at Grandmas cabin. When the cousins all came it was so much fun!! A lot of my memories with cousins were all at Grandmas cabin in Lakeside.

Then there are the special mothers that I have met in this autism journey. They are so incredible!! They have so much wisdom and I can find out anything I need just by asking a few of these moms.

Around 1 am on Sunday morning I got up in a panic because I thought that my garage door was unlocked. So I went to check to make sure it was locked and I passed the kids room. And I had to stop and peek in to make sure they were all ok. Tyler was sleeping sideways on his bed and Jacob had kicked off all of his blankets and was curled up in a ball. I fixed Tyler to where he was back to sleeping on his pillow and I put the blankets back on Jacob. And I started to think about being a mom, and how lucky I am to be a mom to the kids that I have. I know that there are times I am done being a mom but I think that we all have those moments. Even the best moms I'm sure have thought that at times. I am lucky to have 2 great kids that love me unconditionally. Tyler tells me all the time that I am the bestest mom and that he loves me so much. That makes me feel like I'm doing something right to these boys. And when they grow up I want them to always remember that they have a mom that loves them so much.